Break-Ups
The ending of a relationship can be an incredibly difficult experience, triggering a host of complex emotions and reactions. If you’re going through a break up in Singapore, it’s important to understand and process these feelings.
What Emotions can Breakups, Separation & Divorce Trigger?
Below are some of the reactions and situations that the ending of a relationship can bring about:
Trauma
Break ups, separations and divorce are not to be underestimated. They can be experienced as a trauma and consequently your reactions to them are trauma reactions. Negative physical reactions around sleeping and eating can occur as can physical pains such as persistent headaches, sweating or constant stomach upsets. There are also a host of emotional responses that come with trauma reactions… from disorientation, hyper-alertness, mood swings, feelings of panic, isolating and detaching yourself, minimising the event… to name but a few.
“Our break up counselling in Singapore can provide the support you need to cope with these trauma reactions.”
Ghosting
When a relationship ends abruptly with one person simply vanishing—no explanation, no farewell, and no reply—it is known as ghosting. This form of break-up is particularly damaging because it is an ending without a narrative, leaving the person who was ghosted in an intense and confusing state of emotional distress.
Below are some of the psychological and emotional impacts of being ghosted:
Emotional Abandonment and Shame Being cut off without a word can trigger deep feelings of emotional abandonment. For many, this silence echoes past experiences of being dismissed or neglected, reopening old wounds. This frequently leads to an internal spiral of shame and self-doubt, where the mind scrambles for answers, often turning inward with questions like “Was I too much?” or “Did I do something wrong?” Ghosting strips away your relational dignity and can shake your core sense of self-worth.
Lack of Closure and Obsessive Thinking Most relationship endings provide at least some explanation. Ghosting, however, leaves you with just silence. This absence of meaning creates a psychological void that fuels anxiety and obsessive thinking, as your mind relentlessly attempts to construct a reason for the sudden disappearance. The emotional whiplash from the disconnect can disrupt your sense of safety and leave you feeling destabilised.
Anxiety and Hypervigilance The intense confusion and lack of resolution often places the nervous system in a prolonged state of alertness. It is common to feel constantly on edge, waiting for a message, fearing the silence, or anticipating rejection. This experience can cause real psychological stress that leads to Anxiety and Hypervigilance.
If the experience of being ghosted has been particularly difficult or has reactivated old patterns of rejection, therapy can offer a compassionate space to unpack the feelings of abandonment and begin the work of rebuilding trust and self-worth.
Grief
Grieving the relationship, the person you have lost, the person you thought you were with, the future that now looks different… All these things are grieved by you. Even when you know the relationship needed to end, when it is the right thing and you feel happier, there is still grief for what is lost. This can feel strange, as if it’s wrong to grieve something you know you don’t want, but in fact this is normal… This can also be the case if the relationship was abusive or negative in any way… There has still been a loss, and this loss needs to be processed along with everything else.
Confusion
The ending of a relationship, especially when a separation is sudden, temporary, or the result of a long, unresolved cumulation of events, frequently triggers a profound state of Confusion. This disorientation can leave you feeling completely “spinning,” as your mind struggles to grasp the new reality and define your new position within it. You may find yourself wrestling with relentless and exhausting questions: What is the right next step to take? How do I truly feel about my ex-partner now, and how do I feel about myself outside of the structure of the relationship? This emotional and mental disorientation is deeply unsettling, as it compromises your ability to make clear decisions and understand your own emotional landscape, making it difficult to establish a secure path forward.
On-again, Off-again Relationships
The on-again, off-again relationship is a classic emotional rollercoaster characterized by intoxicating highs during reconciliation followed by the crushing lows of repeated, painful breakups. This cyclical pattern is profoundly harmful because it perpetuates chronic instability, leading to an exponential increase in mental health strain that far outweighs the brief periods of happiness. The cycle teaches partners that leaving is the primary conflict resolution mechanism, systematically eroding trust and self-worth. Often driven by insecure attachment styles (like fear of abandonment or engulfment), the intense drama of this pattern can be mistaken for passion, but it ultimately prevents couples from developing the functional communication and conflict-resolution skills necessary for a genuinely stable and healthy connection. Seeking professional counselling is often essential to break free from this vicious cycle and address the underlying issues that prevent lasting commitment.
“Stuckness”
Although not a real word, this conjures the sense of what is a common feeling when it comes to relationships. In regard to a potential separation or potential ending of a relationship it can be because of feeling trapped, stuck, weighed down. Where is this going? ls it going anywhere? Things feel repetitive and ‘on a loop’. Or it can be a sense of feeling stuck ‘in yourself in regard to who you are and what you want. . . because of not knowing how you feel about yourself, you therefore don’t know how you feel about the relationship.
Rollercoaster of emotions
The ending of a relationship is rarely a simple, single emotion; it is more accurately described as a Rollercoaster of emotions where feelings can rapidly shift, often seeming contradictory. One moment, you may feel relief and freedom at having escaped a difficult situation, followed swiftly by crushing guilt or a sense of failure regarding the relationship’s outcome. This turbulence can include intense anger directed at your ex-partner or yourself, alongside moments of unexpected joy or peace as you look toward a new future. This chaotic mix of highs and lows—from shame and failure to moments of hope and clarity—is normal, but it can be an exhausting experience that leaves you feeling constantly off-balance. Our counselling services provide the support needed to understand and stabilise these emotional peaks and troughs.
Powerlessness
A difficult break-up can often leave you grappling with an overwhelming sense of Powerlessness. This feeling can manifest because you feel you didn’t have a voice during the relationship itself, that your perspective wasn’t truly heard, or that you were denied the chance to influence the ending itself. When the process of separation or divorce is handled unilaterally, or when your former partner refuses to engage in a respectful dialogue, it can deepen the feeling that you have no control over your own life or the narrative of your past relationship. This loss of agency is a stressful and draining experience, often leading to a desire to withdraw or a feeling of being completely overwhelmed by circumstances beyond your control.
Anxiety and / or Depression
Given the significant emotional toll, stress, and pervasive confusion that accompany a relationship ending, feelings of Anxiety and / or Depression are strong and common responses. This is a turbulent, stressful time where a sense of feeling hopeless or “wanting to give up” in relation to the entire situation is a normal reaction to profound loss and uncertainty. Likewise, it is equally common to feel intensely anxious, panicked, and worried constantly about what is happening, what comes next, and how to navigate the immediate future. These feelings can leave you struggling with sleep, concentration, and motivation. If these symptoms become overwhelming or persistent, seeking professional break up counselling with Relate Works is a vital step in regaining emotional stability and managing these mental health impacts.
If you are struggling with these feelings after a relationship ends, seeking professional break up counselling in Singapore with Relate Works can help.